Between Moments

I just can’t wrap my mind around what America has come to. Hate for their fellow Americans because of differing viewpoints. As I write out this essay my heart is filled with sorrow and confusion. I’m still coming to terms with what has taken place in under a week. Murder, more murder, celebration of murder, mass shootings. Wives being stripped of their husbands, kids being stripped of their father, and people celebrating this horrendous act as it was streamed for the world to see. In just under a week there has been so much chaos that has gripped my heart, I barely have had a chance to breathe. Iryna Zarutska, a refugee fleeing from the war in Ukraine lost her life on the bus headed home. I scout everyone now that comes onto the train as I’m getting on. Charlie Kirk, a man of such passion and influence lost his life and now the air feels different, it no longer feels safe to have a debate. And the icing on the cake is 16 year old Desmond Holly shooting two students before turning the gun on himself. But what I don’t understand in the mix of all of this is how the world has responded to not only recognize their deaths but to point out their opponents shortcomings instead of coming together in a time of mourning. 

I grew up in a very undermining environment. Everyone in my family was quick to point out each other’s flaws instead of getting to the root of the issue we had at hand. Most of our arguments were about reminding each other of the pain they had caused them and the loser was the one who won the argument. You don’t win if your partner loses, you both lose if you’re competing to out-hurt them. The truth is, you can’t justify yourself if you’re never seen. It won’t matter how much good you do if their eyes are only open when you fall. I mention this because this is how I’m looking at America today. The leader of a movement has lost his life and his brothers and sisters are rejoicing at his death. Yet no one takes into consideration the wife who lost her husband and the children that lost their father. A woman lost her life by a stranger on the bus and she didn’t have family beside her because they were in another country, and no one came to her aid. Students have to pray before leaving their house that they make a safe return once the school day has ended.  I promise this is not a political piece, I’m no expert so I won’t touch that subject. But I am hurting at the posts that I’ve seen in the last 24 hours. 

I understand there are a thousand things wrong going on in this world and it’s hard to keep up with it all, even as the social media platforms are being saturated with it by the minute. But one thing I do believe is that trying to compare evils is like the arguments happening at my house. Around and around would the arguments go with no resolution, because it didn’t matter the kind of transgression, transgression is transgression and it hurts. Until one day someone sets their pride aside and says, “I’m sorry I’ve hurt you and I know you’re hurting, please forgive me.” I know the world may never respond this way but what I do know is that nothing’s going to change if we’re competing with each other to see which is the greater evil. There is a greater evil out there and what pulls at my heart is the fact that instead of coming together as a community to see what we could do to make it better, we point fingers and blame each other for the harm that’s been done. Change won’t begin trying to change the other person, it begins by working on the inward out.